Wow, just fucking wow.
I knew it, I already knew for two fucking weeks now, I’m not stupid. You don’t have to say something because clearly it’s right there in front of my face I was just in fucking denial, again.
I wanna hate you so bad, like my brain is just telling me that but of fucking course my heart just won’t fucking listen. It never did, just like how you never listen to what I say when it comes to him.
I can keep saying that I’m done but who the fuck am I kidding because I can never really be done with you and this fucking feelings of mine unless I completely cut you off of my life.
It’s not fair that life works like this because I don’t really control this feelings of mine. I can’t control who I fall in love to especially if it’s first love. You’re that to me and I fucking hate myself for it because I really don’t deserve to get treated this way, nobody does and I really don’t understand why I keep letting you do it. I’m stupid, I know. I’m torn because we’re bestfriends and I guess it’s my fault that I fell for you but trust me I didn’t planned this. It didn’t really helped that you were and still adding fuel to that fire so I guess it’s fair enough to say that we are both at fault in this one. This is getting too long but I just need to let it out again, it hurts keeping it all in. I have a lot of feelings today. Redundant, I know, but yeah…